GARÇON

They liked it docile, he knew. He secretly wished they knew this too.

He wonders if they ever realise that we are entirely see-through, function the angle. Whether one wants to be seen or not does not make much of a difference. An image will pop-up if I stare a moment longer, he’d remind himself. It always worked. Always, they come into focus. Mind games, power games, veils, he’s seen it all. After years of practice you know how to read people. Most days he is able to talk about everything and nothing at will. The audience demands him whole, at all times, so he could never break character. A chimera, but in real life. He knew this was a masquerade, but what was he supposed to do? They expected benevolence pouring out of him as a matter of principle. So he started to sugarcoat everything. The apparatus felt a little bit mechanical but he had to admit that overall it did stand upright in its own crooked way: Absolutely. It’s my pleasure. My absolute pleasure, he’d say. They couldn’t get enough of it! The pretending he enjoyed being submissive. What was that about? He wondered if they really believed that this was not coerced in some way or other. If they ever thought about that, or if they didn’t care at all. Could he be jealous? He didn’t think so. They liked it docile, he knew. He secretly wished they knew this too. And all in all, as long as the sacrifice was not too much to bear, he played ball. He new that it didn’t matter very much what he thought, though it it matter to him very much, for he did not want to go losing track. Becoming the character never seemed salutary, or honest in any way, to him. But he knew that in the middle there was a fence and some had managed to convince themselves there was no fence at all. Bearing that in mind allowed him to feel safer, and saner. And after work, he played wishful thinking. At night, he dreamt about a great many things. Under the moon he conjured up, and none of us were neither feigned nor counterfeits, each night when we went to sleep, all were a pleasure to behold.